That's it. I had ENOUGH of you.

To think I regarded you as one of my best friends.

In the night,
Even a bright light,
Turns into a sigh.
Even a miracle,
Turns into an illusion with a drop of tear.

The city lits up as the sun fades,
Its myriad of lights hypnotizing my soul.
My old wounds are re-opened.
My past I get reminded.

Memories are like piercing cold rain,
They leave scars in my heart.
Reminiscence is like wine,
It mellows in this heart of mine.

I can’t sleep in the night, for my heart wanders.
I can't sleep in the night, for my soul is torn,
Trying to retrieve something I’ve lost,
Yet pursuing the faraway future in my dreams.

Awake till the day,
I feel as old as the night.

Longing is a terrifying phantom that never says goodbye.
Though I sleep in the warmth, it makes me feel otherwise.

Hold me tight when the light in the city glimmers.
So that I know, I are nothing less than real.

There are many ways to live life. Although we do not have complete control over everything that goes on, we do have the power to make certain choices that also significantly change our lives.

One of such choices would be attitude to life.

In our modern world, people often focus on the extrinsic things and neglect the intrinsic values. People only believe what they can see, not what they can feel. It has become a world of the eyes, instead of a world of the heart.

When shit happens, you can jolly well just give up and rot your life away. You can continue to grumble about life, blame god and everyone else. Nothing would ever change.

Face it. No one has ever gotten anywhere by grumbling or blaming others. Yes, you may whine to let off some steam and feel better, but do remember that you still need to put in some real effort if you want to effect a change.

On the other side of the coin, you can choose to be strong and do something to change all the unhappy things in your life.

We all know it's not easy to be positive with all the shit that's going on. How long can one remain positive is also a big question.

Yes, it is true that a positive attitude and the best that you can do does not guarantee anything at all. But it's the closest you can ever get to success.

Like the saying goes, "It's your life, it's your fight."

As I matured over the years, I realised that I whined lesser.

I mean, I still do share my problems with people who are willing to lend a listening ear, but it's more for the sake of getting different opinions on what may seem a dead situation.

Whining, on the other hand, is purely useless complaining without any constructive efforts to find any solutions.

As one grow up, one should expect nothing more than just advice from others. At the end of the day, everyone have their own life to live, and no one owes someone else a living. One must learn to solve their problems on their own. It's a do or die situation.

Today, I give myself a pat on the shoulder.

For the courage and strength to hold on despite all that has been going on.

I know that I've gotten much stronger than the past, for I would have given up long ago if I were younger and weaker.

The strength to perservere in tough times is no inborn gift. I do not believe that anyone can brave through tough times without a great deal of inner strength.

For me, I gather my strength through people.

People whom have a place in my heart and vice versa, living or dead.

The past 2 years have been very unfortunate for my family. Within a span of 12 months, my uncle and my grandfather had passed away. Unnatural causes for their deaths added to the grief within my family.

However, when the grief is over, I draw strength from them. Everytime I feel troubled or down, I silently prayed in my heart for them to watch over me. And I feel a sense of warmth from that thought. At times, I really do feel their presence, as a form of quiet strength, silently watching over me.

For me, I have friends and family members in and out of Singapore. Time and distance constraints forbids me from sharing my problems with everyone that cares. But that fact does not stop me from feeling negative.

For I am sure, they would be willing to help if they were able to. And that willingness is more than enough for me.

I hope that everyone in this world can draw strength from people around them, and may this world become a better place to live in.

I'm back after nearly 5 months of break from blogging.

To be honest, this dormant blog would have continued being dormant if it wasn't for the movie that I just watched, "Julie & Julia". It's one of those movies that I would call "inspiring" and leaves the audience with something to ponder over.

In the movie, the main character had a blog that became a very big part of her life. And it sort of rekindled that urge to blog in me all over again.

So I came home and went online. First I googled on "Julie and Julia", and to my amazement there really is a blog of Julie Powell and it looked exactly the same as the one that I saw in the movie!

Then I logged in to blogger, and here I am.

From the movie, I had an inspiration that blogging does not have to come with a stern and formal tone. Although blogs are meant for readers and not the blogger, the most important thing at the end of the day is that I must feel comfortable.
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The past 5 months felt longer than how 5 months would normally feel. Like seriously, it felt more like a year instead. I guess when you get older and older, more things cram themselves into your life and makes it feel longer than it really is.

As usual, with every experience that I go through, I grow out of it with something learnt. But right now they are nothing more than just random thoughts bouncing around here and there in my brain.

All that I can fish out from this foggy mess of thoughts is just one thing.

And that is one realisation I came to very recently; I am to move on, and perhaps take a backseat for some things in life..

I shall talk more about my thoughts next time.

In times of solitude, instead of indulging in self-pity and sorrow, one must learn to make the most out of the situation.

Time should be re-organised and better managed to spend on meaningful things and people.

People whom have proven worthy through the test of time.

Things which will benefit you in the long run.


In this present moment, I see it as a metamorphosis period.


Firstly, you must allow yourself to go into a "cocoon" stage.




Let the healing process begin, both physically and emotionally.

Be at peace with yourself, and accept that you had done your best.

Seek growth during this period of metamorphosis, and emerge as a better person.




Remember,

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

The AWARE saga finally came to an end last night with the new guard led by Josie Lau decided to resign after a vote of no confidence was passed.

As an individual who holds freewill in high regard, I am a strong supporter of the old guard and violently opposed the new guard's fundamentalistic approach in a secular organisation such as AWARE.

In fact, I was elated when I got news that the vote of no confidence was passed in the old guard's favour, and the new ex-co had decided to step down.

However, when I watched the videos and read the reports of what happened at the Extraordinary General Meeting at Suntec City Convention Centre yesterday, I must say I am rather disappointed.

The crowd who were mainly supporters of the old guard were clearly immature and overly hostile. From the start till the end of the meeting, they were making all sorts of jeers and interrupted the new guard when they tried to speak.

First of all, although I still am in favour of the ex-co led by Josie Lau stepping down, I believe that they should have their fair chance to express themselves.

Secondly, I think it is totally rude and immature to boo and jeer at the new guard, even though they are not doing the right thing in the first place. We should spend time and energy thrashing issues out, instead of making childish noises.

Like it or not, we have to admit that Josie Lau and her committee made their way into the ex-co through legal and peaceful means in the AGM. They did not assassinate the former committee or did anything of that sort. Therefore, to remove them from power, I believe a similar method of voting them out would suffice.

Lastly, as much as I dislike her, I cannot deny that she is a woman of great courage. Imagine you are standing on a stage in front of thousands of people that are all against you. And they are taking turns to verbally strike you down. The pressure must have been tremendous. After putting myself in her shoes, I can't help but feel sorry for her.

All in all, I must say the objective of this EGM has been met, but I believe there could have been a better way.

With time comes age. With age comes experience.

I recalled the times when I was young.

I had plenty of time to idle and waste. Anything can procrastinated for months before something actually gets done.

Then every sorrow that came along felt like the end of the world. And I could spend as long as I want in the healing and recovery process.

Then age catches up.

In time to come I will gain full control of my life. And I know that this is my one and only try at LIFE. Suddenly time is no longer infinite.

Gone were the days when Time would wait for me.




That's when I realised I seriously need to move on.

There is no time to waste on dwelling upon pointless and meaningless issues. Nothing good would ever come out of it. It is unconstructive and simply a waste of precious and finite time.

So from this very moment, I will start letting go. Of everything that is useless, pointless and meaningless. I promise to make full use of my time, and make the most out of my life.