-- yOu wOn'T sToP mE.

2011-12-15T05:56:00.004+08:00

At my favourite corner in Genting Highlands. A little later than I had anticipated, but it is better late than never.

Meanwhile, the thought of my eccentricity is still running through my mind like a song with an endless loop.

To me, life is different for everyone. We live according to our beliefs and choices.

Thus, it comes as no surprise that my possessions vary from that of my contemporaries.

Living in a family where Chinese values prevail, it is hard to fathom where my eccentricity originates. But it is not tough to guess that the clash of beliefs happen on a rather frequent basis.

However, it is good to note that in the eyes of the weirdo, you are the freak.

The Chinese culture, or even popular culture in general, measures the intrinsic success of a human being by the number acquaintances / soulmates a person has. This belief is so strong that people think that others who find themselves in a situation where acquaintances / soulmates are absent in their lives should seriously reflect upon themselves.

In my humble opinion, that is completely ridiculous.

If it is acceptable that someone might not find himself a partner or attain great wealth in his lifetime, why is it so unforgivable when someone is unable to find a soulmate?

Is there not the slightest possibility that perhaps a soulmate is not everyone's prerogative, just like physical appearance, luck or even love?

Life is a game of choice. You are free to choose, but just remember that every choice has its price.

When I chose to be who I am, I was ready to pay for any price that came along with that choice.

Is there a right or wrong in the game of life?

In my belief, I don't think so.

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm not.

2011-12-10T02:04:00.006+08:00

Progression in life is most noticeable when things are irreversibly changed.

Much has changed, in the permanent sense, since the previous year. Bonds were forged and broken, views are altered and matured. A new phase of life I am already on, the road behind I am unable to return.

Time witnessed the eccentricity in me grow, as I carved out a path that might truly be mine.

It is understood from history that the highly accomplished led lives of recluse. Does an increasingly reclusive path signal that accomplishment is near? There is fear in the heart when treading on the unknown, the possibility of a doomed venture resounding in the head.

Choosing the only option left available is not a choice. Could it be that it was all destined, or that it all depends on your making or breaking?

The alternative possibility is something left only to wonder.

2011-12-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

Jaded
The end result of having a steady flow of negative experiences, disappointment, and unfulfillment fed into a person where they get to the point where their anger circuits just sort of burn out and they accept disillusionment.

2011-11-30T00:00:00.001+08:00

To commemorate the 7th birthday of this virtual space.

2011-11-02T13:39:00.000+08:00

Catch me before I move on.

Before you know it, I'll be gone.

2011-10-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

I wanna start over again.

2011-10-28T02:07:00.001+08:00

Many words to say, nobody to talk to.

One of those listless nights.

2011-10-24T13:02:00.002+08:00

Finally back at my cozy corner enjoying some tea and leisure time. Months had passed since my last visit, even though this place is close to my residence. A realization that distance is not always a good indicator of frequency.

Though nothing much has changed environmentally, the companionship is now different. My belongings now sit on the empty chair opposite. Having the whole time to myself, I indulge in reading, observing, and thinking.

A couple of years isn't a very long time. But many things have changed.

2011-10-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

我并非圣贤，怎会无情？
我毕竟血肉，怎会无痛？

2011-10-06T01:03:00.001+08:00

Isn't it amusing how some people share things on Facebook and other public platforms, and thinks that you're a stalker if you come into knowledge of those information?

2011-10-04T00:10:00.003+08:00

I haven't found the time to post much lately, despite my public promise on Facebook to rejuvenate my soon-to-be-7-year blog.

Nevertheless, I decided to spend a few minutes to post an entry, with the sole purpose of creating a memory block so that I may one day look back and remember what I have spent my life doing at this point.

Many things are going on concurrently. I play multiple personalities in a day. To different people, I am a different person. The roles of a teacher, tutor, editor, business owner and a friend can be all in a day's work.

After working for 14 straight hours, I can barely shut my eyes without feeling that burning sensation.

I wonder if all the hard work I put in will come to fruition, knowing that hard work does not equate to anything except just ... hard work.

2011-09-17T16:18:00.003+08:00

Am I alone?

Yes.

Am I lonely?

Maybe.

2011-08-09T18:24:00.000+08:00

Today, the 16 year-old boy who started this blog, is now 23.

2011-07-26T09:59:00.002+08:00

In the night,
Even a bright light,
Turns into a sigh.
Even a miracle,
Ends up nothing more than a mirage.

The city illuminates as the sun fades,
Its myriad of lights hypnotizing my soul.
Reopening my old wounds.
Reminding me my past.

Memories are like piercing cold rain,
They leave scars in my heart.
Reminiscence is like wine,
It mellows in this heart of mine.

I can’t sleep in the night, for my heart wanders.
I can't sleep in the night, for my soul lingers,
Trying to salvage something I’ve lost,
Yet pursuing the faraway future concurrently.

Awake till the day,
I feel as old as the night.

Longing is a terrifying phantom that never says goodbye.
Though I sleep in the warmth, it makes me feel otherwise.

Hold me tight when the light in the city glimmers.
So that I know, I am nothing less than real.

2011-05-29T02:45:00.003+08:00

想问为什么，我不再是你的快乐。

还记得几年前，因为我不是今天的我，没有预知未来的能力，在人生旅途上做了一些让自己后悔的决定。

当时，我认识了一个人。他是如此的善良，如此的天真。一天一天的过去，我们逐渐对对彼此有了感觉。但上天总爱作弄人，让我在一个不应该的时间遇上他。在感情和原则的矛盾当中，我最终选择了原则，放弃了他。等到我的情况允许时，他已经远离而去。我们从此也很少往来。

就这样，四年过去了。

一路走来，他在感情上一次又一次的受到伤害。

当时选择了原则的我，最终也是以悲剧收场。

这些年来，我一想起这件事，就有一阵很强内疚感，觉得他所遭遇的一切，都是我的责任。这股突如其来的内疚感，每次都会把我压得喘不过气。

如果当初做了一个不同的选择，如今的我和他，是不是就会比较快乐一些？

2011-02-08T00:09:00.003+08:00

I was looking down at a city from a high spot, possibly out of a building, atop a mountain, or simply just in the air. From my position, I could see the entire city, and the vast horizon beyond.

It was night time, and there were lights everywhere, emanating from the streets, cars and buildings. Some lights went out as the night prevailed, but some remained. The silence grew louder as the night progressed. Just when the night was at its darkest, the sky began to brighten. A new day has begun.

Then the day become night, and the night become day. I stood there and watched as the days and nights transited seamlessly into each other.

I was alone.

But I felt not a tinge of loneliness.

No one seemed to be looking for me even though days had passed. I wouldn't know even if anyone did, for I did not feel my cellphone in my pocket. For the first time,I did not feel the insecurity without my cellphone by my side. It just didn't feel necessary.

I felt light, and the days of standing did not tire my leg.

Days, weeks, months and years lost their meaning. All I could notice was the transition of days of nights.

I started to feel old. The mellow feeling that resided within me started to flourish like a budding seed. It was such a pleasant and yet amazing feeling.

If there's only one word I can use to describe this feeling,

It's Peace.

2010-11-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

Today's weather is just perfect for emo-ing. It's cold, with a light drizzle. The roads are empty and quiet. Looking outside, the world appears to have come to a standstill.

And just to add on to the perfect ambience, I just watched a melodrama movie that almost touched me to tears, all alone.

The successful gathering of all these factors are like how the wind, clouds and humidity come together to bring a thunderstorm. Sometimes it seems so coincidental that it all seemed planned, like as if someone is behind the scene orchestrating the entire process.

But emo-ing isn't all bad. The word itself originated from the word "Emotions", and is used to describe a person feeling particularly emotional at a certain point of time. Since emotions are an indispensable part of what makes us human, one can safely say that "being emotional" is nothing more than just "being human".

I for one, enjoys feeling emotional once in a while. For me it's like an opportunity to go deep into my inner core, and engage in a spiritual interaction with another individual, someone who is me and yet not me. We share the same past, yet we live different lives, simply because we think and feel different over the same issues.

Interacting with this alter-ego is fascinating. It gives me a different view I have never thought of in this half I'm living as. Sometimes it tells me things that I would prefer not to acknowledge. On other occasions it tells me how I truly feel about certain issues and people, even though I may not realise it.

Because such interactions are so personal and honest, there are no facades and denials. It's about acceptance and enlightenment.

At the end of the session, the two sides of me that had became so different from each other due to the differences of our lives, are aligned again. I feel in control, and at peace.

Even though no movement from my physical body is required for this magical process, spiritual growth is achieved. This goes to show that being still and doing nothing are two very different things.

2010-10-04T02:44:00.002+08:00

In the blink of an eye, National Service is over for me. Although I still do not like the idea of conscription, I must admit that I have learnt many valuable lessons and made many friends along the way.

There are simply too many lessons to mention and too many people to thank, but I appreciate every single one of them and will always keep them closely to my heart.

But Time has not been understanding, and I was not spared from the ageing process simply because I was wasting time serving our country.

I have mapped out plans for myself, plans that I will slowly achieve one step at a time. There is a lot to do with so little time, and time is something I can no longer afford to waste.

2010-09-09T03:15:00.003+08:00

Waking up I see that everything is OK
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I'm so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's a state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

I hope it will always stay.

2010-08-02T02:37:00.001+08:00

2010-07-17T18:35:00.005+08:00

Enjoying my chamomile tea in my cozy corner as usual, I started to think.

What does it mean to be a grown up? Is it the age, or the physical growth of height, build and maturity?

I gave it a thought, and I realised it is "coming to terms".

It means coming to terms that nothing (and that includes no one) lasts forever, and accepting that separation and loss is a part of life. Whether it is the beginning or the end, everything is just a matter of time.

We also come to terms with our own limits and flaws. We begin to understand that many things which are beyond our control and the word "Perfect" does not exist in every situation.

We also come to terms that we don't always get what we want. We can try for all we want, but sooner or later we realise that trying is just one half of the equation, and that the other half lies in luck/chance.

2010-07-12T01:38:00.004+08:00

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes

No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

2010-07-03T01:58:00.003+08:00

All of a sudden you realise that nobody cares about you, at least not enough for you to feel significant.

You try harder to become significant, and gradually you get jaded. Until the day you lost faith in people altogether.

You start to invest your time and effort in something else. Anything else, other than people. You eat alone, chill alone, go out alone, travel alone.

In your free time, you indulge in reading and sleeping. You realise that your hunger for knowledge is insatiable, because that's how lonely you are. You realise that no amount of sleep can satisfy your chronic fatigue, for you are lacking in anything but a rest.

One day you try hard to recall how your voice sounds, before giving up. Then it dawned on you that you had forgotten it, for you had not spoken in a long time.

You could have simply say a word or two to yourself to refresh your memory, but you refuse to make yourself appear more insane than you already are.

Unknown to the others, beneath the seemingly "nothing's wrong" outlook you portray, you are desperately screaming for help inside. And with every second that ticked by, you are losing more and more of the humanity within.

2010-06-11T02:50:00.002+08:00

Tired of walking on eggshells
So terrified to fail
And in order to please you
I've abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me
When you pushed me away

I'm Stronger than ever
You made me this way.

How I wished you knew
How much I missed you
I feel like running
But I can't get over you

You avoid my gaze
Withdraw from me these days
You punished me for trying to be
All that you wanted
What more can I do

So damn tired of walking on eggshells
So freaking terrified to fail
And in order to make you happy
I've made myself sad
Though you used to hurt me
But you will not anymore

I'm Stronger than ever
You made me this way.

2010-01-11T02:00:00.001+08:00

Moving on sometimes feel like walking away from a part of yourself.

Like as if you're tearing yourself apart.

But no matter how PAINFUL it is, I'll move on.

2009-12-20T07:43:00.001+08:00

And for the countless time in recent days, I told myself,

"It'll be ok.."

2009-12-14T02:47:00.004+08:00

I feel it creeping inside me like a venomous scorpion, maliciously making its way into the depths of my body. Without warning, the vermin fiercely plunges its toxic tail deeply into my heart.

Instantly, I feel the poisonous secretion spreading from my heart.
Every heartbeat propagates the poison to the rest of my entire body.

I feel my whole body breaking out in cold sweat.

My heartbeat it fluctuates.
My pulse it irregulates.

The pain so overwhelming, it leaves me down on my knees.
The pain so intense, my eyes tears, and my heart bleeds.

I try to make out a scream, but no one hears.
I wish for a helping hand, but no one's here.

Desperate to end the agony,

I picked up the pistol,
and pointed to my temple.

My choices are simple.

To end the pain,
before it ends me.

But in the end no matter what's my choice,
I will not live to know whether I was right.

Memories replayed themselves one final time.

For the words I never got to say,
I guess they can only remain unsaid.

For that hug I never had,
I can only pretend to have.

A deep, deep breath I took,
Probably the last I'll ever take.

2009-12-07T16:03:00.001+08:00

That's it. I had ENOUGH of you.

To think I regarded you as one of my best friends.

2009-12-05T04:53:00.003+08:00

In the night,
Even a bright light,
Turns into a sigh.
Even a miracle,
Turns into an illusion with a drop of tear.

The city lits up as the sun fades,
Its myriad of lights hypnotizing my soul.
My old wounds are re-opened.
My past I get reminded.

Memories are like piercing cold rain,
They leave scars in my heart.
Reminiscence is like wine,
It mellows in this heart of mine.

I can’t sleep in the night, for my heart wanders.
I can't sleep in the night, for my soul is torn,
Trying to retrieve something I’ve lost,
Yet pursuing the faraway future in my dreams.

Awake till the day,
I feel as old as the night.

Longing is a terrifying phantom that never says goodbye.
Though I sleep in the warmth, it makes me feel otherwise.

Hold me tight when the light in the city glimmers.
So that I know, I are nothing less than real.

2009-10-26T14:55:00.005+08:00

There are many ways to live life. Although we do not have complete control over everything that goes on, we do have the power to make certain choices that also significantly change our lives.

One of such choices would be attitude to life.

In our modern world, people often focus on the extrinsic things and neglect the intrinsic values. People only believe what they can see, not what they can feel. It has become a world of the eyes, instead of a world of the heart.

When shit happens, you can jolly well just give up and rot your life away. You can continue to grumble about life, blame god and everyone else. Nothing would ever change.

Face it. No one has ever gotten anywhere by grumbling or blaming others. Yes, you may whine to let off some steam and feel better, but do remember that you still need to put in some real effort if you want to effect a change.

On the other side of the coin, you can choose to be strong and do something to change all the unhappy things in your life.

We all know it's not easy to be positive with all the shit that's going on. How long can one remain positive is also a big question.

Yes, it is true that a positive attitude and the best that you can do does not guarantee anything at all. But it's the closest you can ever get to success.

Like the saying goes, "It's your life, it's your fight."

2009-10-23T01:57:00.002+08:00

As I matured over the years, I realised that I whined lesser.

I mean, I still do share my problems with people who are willing to lend a listening ear, but it's more for the sake of getting different opinions on what may seem a dead situation.

Whining, on the other hand, is purely useless complaining without any constructive efforts to find any solutions.

As one grow up, one should expect nothing more than just advice from others. At the end of the day, everyone have their own life to live, and no one owes someone else a living. One must learn to solve their problems on their own. It's a do or die situation.

Today, I give myself a pat on the shoulder.

For the courage and strength to hold on despite all that has been going on.

I know that I've gotten much stronger than the past, for I would have given up long ago if I were younger and weaker.

The strength to perservere in tough times is no inborn gift. I do not believe that anyone can brave through tough times without a great deal of inner strength.

For me, I gather my strength through people.

People whom have a place in my heart and vice versa, living or dead.

The past 2 years have been very unfortunate for my family. Within a span of 12 months, my uncle and my grandfather had passed away. Unnatural causes for their deaths added to the grief within my family.

However, when the grief is over, I draw strength from them. Everytime I feel troubled or down, I silently prayed in my heart for them to watch over me. And I feel a sense of warmth from that thought. At times, I really do feel their presence, as a form of quiet strength, silently watching over me.

For me, I have friends and family members in and out of Singapore. Time and distance constraints forbids me from sharing my problems with everyone that cares. But that fact does not stop me from feeling negative.

For I am sure, they would be willing to help if they were able to. And that willingness is more than enough for me.

I hope that everyone in this world can draw strength from people around them, and may this world become a better place to live in.

2009-10-21T01:17:00.005+08:00

I'm back after nearly 5 months of break from blogging.

To be honest, this dormant blog would have continued being dormant if it wasn't for the movie that I just watched, "Julie & Julia". It's one of those movies that I would call "inspiring" and leaves the audience with something to ponder over.

In the movie, the main character had a blog that became a very big part of her life. And it sort of rekindled that urge to blog in me all over again.

So I came home and went online. First I googled on "Julie and Julia", and to my amazement there really is a blog of Julie Powell and it looked exactly the same as the one that I saw in the movie!

Then I logged in to blogger, and here I am.

From the movie, I had an inspiration that blogging does not have to come with a stern and formal tone. Although blogs are meant for readers and not the blogger, the most important thing at the end of the day is that I must feel comfortable.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

The past 5 months felt longer than how 5 months would normally feel. Like seriously, it felt more like a year instead. I guess when you get older and older, more things cram themselves into your life and makes it feel longer than it really is.

As usual, with every experience that I go through, I grow out of it with something learnt. But right now they are nothing more than just random thoughts bouncing around here and there in my brain.

All that I can fish out from this foggy mess of thoughts is just one thing.

And that is one realisation I came to very recently; I am to move on, and perhaps take a backseat for some things in life..

I shall talk more about my thoughts next time.

2009-05-25T23:09:00.005+08:00

In times of solitude, instead of indulging in self-pity and sorrow, one must learn to make the most out of the situation.

Time should be re-organised and better managed to spend on meaningful things and people.

People whom have proven worthy through the test of time.

Things which will benefit you in the long run.

In this present moment, I see it as a metamorphosis period.

Firstly, you must allow yourself to go into a "cocoon" stage.

Let the healing process begin, both physically and emotionally.

Be at peace with yourself, and accept that you had done your best.

Seek growth during this period of metamorphosis, and emerge as a better person.

Remember,

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

2009-05-03T18:50:00.003+08:00

The AWARE saga finally came to an end last night with the new guard led by Josie Lau decided to resign after a vote of no confidence was passed.

As an individual who holds freewill in high regard, I am a strong supporter of the old guard and violently opposed the new guard's fundamentalistic approach in a secular organisation such as AWARE.

In fact, I was elated when I got news that the vote of no confidence was passed in the old guard's favour, and the new ex-co had decided to step down.

However, when I watched the videos and read the reports of what happened at the Extraordinary General Meeting at Suntec City Convention Centre yesterday, I must say I am rather disappointed.

The crowd who were mainly supporters of the old guard were clearly immature and overly hostile. From the start till the end of the meeting, they were making all sorts of jeers and interrupted the new guard when they tried to speak.

First of all, although I still am in favour of the ex-co led by Josie Lau stepping down, I believe that they should have their fair chance to express themselves.

Secondly, I think it is totally rude and immature to boo and jeer at the new guard, even though they are not doing the right thing in the first place. We should spend time and energy thrashing issues out, instead of making childish noises.

Like it or not, we have to admit that Josie Lau and her committee made their way into the ex-co through legal and peaceful means in the AGM. They did not assassinate the former committee or did anything of that sort. Therefore, to remove them from power, I believe a similar method of voting them out would suffice.

Lastly, as much as I dislike her, I cannot deny that she is a woman of great courage. Imagine you are standing on a stage in front of thousands of people that are all against you. And they are taking turns to verbally strike you down. The pressure must have been tremendous. After putting myself in her shoes, I can't help but feel sorry for her.

All in all, I must say the objective of this EGM has been met, but I believe there could have been a better way.

2009-04-27T22:49:00.004+08:00

With time comes age. With age comes experience.

I recalled the times when I was young.

I had plenty of time to idle and waste. Anything can procrastinated for months before something actually gets done.

Then every sorrow that came along felt like the end of the world. And I could spend as long as I want in the healing and recovery process.

Then age catches up.

In time to come I will gain full control of my life. And I know that this is my one and only try at LIFE. Suddenly time is no longer infinite.

Gone were the days when Time would wait for me.

That's when I realised I seriously need to move on.

There is no time to waste on dwelling upon pointless and meaningless issues. Nothing good would ever come out of it. It is unconstructive and simply a waste of precious and finite time.

So from this very moment, I will start letting go. Of everything that is useless, pointless and meaningless. I promise to make full use of my time, and make the most out of my life.

2009-04-14T00:55:00.002+08:00

Today I set a time.

The start of the deadline.

To remove those things that's causing me pain.
To forget those people who don't even care.

To sort out my thoughts.
To re-organise my life.
To pull myself together.
To move on.

But some people probably don't care, anyway.

2009-03-28T02:42:00.004+08:00

Distance reveals, a horse's stamina,
Time reveals, a person's heart.

Came to realise that I have been ill-treating myself.

When my friends needed me, all they ever need to do was to call or text me. And I would be on the next bus, train or cab to meet them. Even if I was tired, busy, didn't feel like going out, broke, or had plans to do something else.

Then they would tell me how much they appreciate me for all the effort.

But do THEY really appreciate it?

Now the situations are reversed.

When I sent out SMSes, I get uninterested, half-hearted replies. Sometimes the replies took so long, my body would have already been cremated if it had been a plea for help. Sometimes it's worse, I don't get replies at all.

When I call, people reject my request to meet up straight in the face, telling me that they are tired or didn't feel like going out. Some give me patronising replies like "See how" or "I'll call you back".

The worst part has yet to come.

When I finally had a talk with them about the matter, I get replies like, "You could have just rejected to meet up if you didn't feel like it, no one forced you anyway." Or, "No lah, you're thinking too much."

It seriously makes me wonder why did I sacrifice my own time to make time for others, but when I'm the one in need they simply just walked out on me?

I believe it is only right to make time for friends in need, and I am sure I would feel very bad if I selfishly rejected a friend in need. So how did they managed to do so with such ease as if their conscience don't haunt them?

Have I put in too much, or are they just plain selfish?

People are so ugly.

2009-03-24T01:50:00.000+08:00

A fortune teller once told me,

"The tough things in your life,
Are actually blessings in disguise."

That statement has hold true for me, throughout the years.

Everytime when the road ahead seems rough, or when nothing seems to be going right, and life is nothing but a drag, things will always turn out as a positive at the end of the day.

And from what I realised, some good things would never have existed without the negative incidents.

Of course, I must also thank my loved ones for all the love and support, that helped me to pull through to see the better days.

But like everyone else who is never satisfied, I wonder how long more will the prophecy hold true? How long more can I keep winning?

I am worried and afraid.

2009-03-15T20:28:00.005+08:00

In Singapore, Golden Village and Cathay Organisation are undeniably the 2 most popular cinemas currently.

However, I would say that Cathay is a better choice.

First of all, Cathay offers more offers and discounts, such as $6 movie tickets on weekdays if you are a student or if you pay by NETS. I seriously don't see why I should pay a higher price for the same services offered by both cinemas.

Secondly, Cathay is smart enough to set up many ticketing counters at their cineplexs to respond to the SUPER LONG QUEUES during weekends.

Last Friday, I tried to buy 2 tickets at Golden Village @ Vivo City. And I was HORRIFIED to see literally a hundred over people queueing up. To make things worse, there was only 3 counters open for walk-in purchase of tickets!

So you can imagine how slowly the queue moved. Throughout my 1 hour queue for the tickets, I saw many pairs and groups of people just gave up and walked away. When I finally got the tickets, I seriously wanted to write a feedback to suggest more counters but there was no sort of feedback whatsoever.

Come to think of it, it's really dumb of the management to build so few counters when they know Vivo City is crowded with tons of people and the demand would be so high. If the reason for the pathetic number of counters is to cut costs, then I am totally disgusted by that selfish mentality.

In conclusion, support CATHAY!

2009-03-02T00:11:00.005+08:00

It's been some time and there's so many things to blog about.

Singapore's 36 years old tourism logo, the Merlion, has been struck by some freak lightning, leaving a hole the size of a soccer ball at the back of Merlion's head.

Hmm, not a very good sign isn't it? Especially with the financial crisis hitting us in the face. But who knows, this big news could end up attracting more tourists and boost our tourism industry.

And if anyone noticed, Singapore has got quite a few new additions coming our way.

The East West MRT Line has 2 more stops extended to it from Boon Lay, namely Pioneer and Joo Koon. On top of that, 5 stations from the Circle Line will be open for use in May. Besides the Circle Line, we are also expecting another 3 new lines, Downtown Line, Thomson Line and Eastern Region Line.

As for the town area, 3 new shopping centres will be coming out way soon. Namely the ION Orchard, 313 @ Somerset and Orchard Central. Another new shopping complex will soon be ready beside Bugis Village.

It's kinda exciting to realise that we're gonna have so many new things coming our way. Till then!

2009-01-19T00:17:00.002+08:00

We all go through tough times that we call the dark tunnel that leads to the light at the end of it.

Sometimes the dark tunnel that you're going through closes in on you. So tightly that you can hardly breathe. Until you can barely see the light at the end of it.

You look for strength and support from your loved ones. But true colours was all you saw. Disappointment smacks you flat in the face. The tunnel constricts itself further. The light shrinks to a size no bigger than a star in the night sky.

You pray for a miracle. You wish someone would care and listen. But all you hear is silence. And all you feel is loneliness.

2009-01-07T01:03:00.004+08:00

This is dedicated to my grandfather, who passed away suddenly on 2nd January 2009, and everyone else that I've loved and lost through the years.

BYE BYE

This is for my people
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye
No, no, no

Mamas, daddys, sisters, brothers
Friends and cousins
This is for my people
Who lost their grandfathers
Lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it
But you kept me in line
I didn't know why
You didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through

All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today
Face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

You never got a chance to see
How good I've done
And you never got to
See me back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could
Spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to
Tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me
That I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact
You're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

This is for my people
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye

Mamas, daddys, sisters, brothers
Friends and cousins
This is for my people
Who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye, bye.

I never knew it
Everyday of my life
I wish, I wish, I wish
I wish as time goes by

And soon as you reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
The hardest thing to do is say bye, bye

It’s hard to say bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
So come on somebody
Say it with me
Wave your hands up high

Eh…
Cause this is for my people who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
Just lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye, bye.

2009-01-02T03:48:00.003+08:00

I'm in the army, not in my grave.

I'm not a corpse, so don't treat me like I'm dead.

2009-01-02T03:21:00.002+08:00

I QUIT as a full time friend.

It's the worst occupation ever.

The working hours are 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is a free labour job. I don't reap what I sow. I get made use of. I get backstabbed. I treat others how I want to be treated, but I am always shortchanged.

I'm tired.
Totally exhausted.

2008-12-22T22:42:00.002+08:00

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I feel the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord Im doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I feel the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

2008-12-21T23:55:00.003+08:00

I'm going to pull through.

For those I love.
For the promises I made.

Keep holding on.

I will make it through.

2008-12-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

Keep holding on...

Yes I will make it through.

2008-11-02T23:17:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I just wanna keep running, until I am far away from all the shit in this world. Perhaps it would be better, if someone would take me by the hand, and bring me to another place..

How long can you last on a rollercoaster ride, before it takes a toil on you?

How many peaks and pits can you go through, before you finally get tired?

Overloaded, Overwhelmed, Overpowered.

2008-11-01T02:08:00.000+08:00

I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

2008-10-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

2008-10-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

What happens,

When you stop winning?
When you are down?
When you are left out all alone?
When you don't feel belonged?
When your heart dies?
When your loved ones stopped caring?

What happens,
When it's all over?

2008-10-15T21:33:00.001+08:00

Fighting a War between Myselves.

2008-10-13T19:00:00.000+08:00

Misery is a feeling that can only be felt and not understood.

2008-10-12T13:37:00.002+08:00

2008-10-07T23:58:00.002+08:00

No matter how unfortunate things turn out for me, I am still the most fortunate man in this world. Because I have you.

For you I will persevere.

2008-10-05T22:26:00.000+08:00

I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again.

2008-10-02T00:02:00.002+08:00

Those frowns on his face,

Those tears in his eyes,

Describes his pain.

People tried to care,
But the pain could not be shared.

2008-09-20T03:47:00.002+08:00

When the lights go down

When the lights go down,
The cheers quiet down.

When the lights go down,
The applause dies down.

When the lights go down,
The diva steps down.

When the lights go down,

Everything else goes down.

2008-08-27T03:22:00.007+08:00

My 20th birthday was amazingly...... SIMPLE yet BLISSFUL.

8th August 2008

There is no better way to start a birthday celebration with my besties Edwin and Yiwen! This is the 6th year we have known each other, and I'm really glad to see we are still friends after so much drama-mama. LOL.

And what are best friends without some truth or dare? And this is the resulting climax of the game.

9th August 2008

The eventful day itself started with lunch at Subway. Afterwards, it was KTV followed by the movie, "Journey To The Centre Of The Earth". Supper followed suit at a chinese restaurant in chinatown. One of the happiest days of my entire life.

10th August 2008

Finally, the touch of kinship warmed my heart as my whole family gathered together for a sumptuous steamboat meal. Nothing is more heart-warming than the whole family spending time together happily.

For 3 simple and happy days, I enjoyed myself with Friends, Love and Family.

Nothing could describe how it feels, knowing that the 3 most important things in my Life is fufilled and at peace.

Deep inside, I know that I am the most blissful person in this whole world. Not just for those 3 days, but many many more days, weeks, months, and years to come...

2008-08-08T10:30:00.007+08:00

7 years of teenagehood.

Finally boiled down to the very one last wretched day.

It's been 7 years.

7 freaking years.

How I was in depression.
How I recovered.
How I became arrogant.
How I was insensitive to other people's feelings.
How I was backstabbed and betrayed by "friends".
How I couldn't get over some "friends".
How I finally got over them.
How I got new classmates in poly.
How my 2nd relationship started.
How my 2nd relationship ended.
How things between me and my poly classmates got ugly.
How I screwed up my poly results.
How I came out and explored the world.
How I got hurt once and again.
How my previous relationship started.
How my previous relationship ended.
How "friends" backstabbed and betrayed me again.
How I learnt and grew from the past.
How Christina Aguilera inspired and changed my life forever.

How I became,

A FIGHTER.

I would like to thank everyone who had made a difference in my life, even if they meant me harm. Because they made me that much stronger.

I'm very satisfied with my life currently, with no regrets nor things undone.

The past 7 years had been tough, but it just made me tougher.

2008-07-30T03:23:00.005+08:00

WISHLIST FOR 9TH AUGUST 2008

- The Complete Idiot's Guide To Singing. (it's a book)

- The Secret. (it's another book)

- Colour contact lens.

- Christina Aguilera's Perfume.

- A new watch.

- Slingbag.

- PSP.

- New handphone.

- Sony T300 digicam.

- Sony VAIO laptop.

- Prada wallet.

- Money.

- More Money.

- Even More Money.

Yes, you freaking saw it.

Stop reading on and pretend you missed it.

I say stop pretending!

I decided to be materialistic for once.

Because this freaking birthday marks the end of my life as a teenager. T_T

And life as an adult means,
You want it? Buy it YOURSELF.

To hell with the 20 club. I wanna stay as a teen forever.

2008-07-27T02:35:00.012+08:00

Sometimes,

I really wish that a Tsunami

would hit Singapore and sweep away like

1/2 of the population.

Preferably those that I don't like or don't know.

Here's why.

Seriously, it's getting too cramped up in this little city state. Even the gahmen of Singapore agrees with me. Just look at the increasing number of ERP gantries.

During the peak hour when everyone or every car is heading one same freaking direction, what usually takes 5 mins to arrive would end up taking 30 minutes. And your wallet starts to burn when you realise you are on a cab ride that gets stuck at the same red light thrice.

Ever felt hungry when you are in town? And your conquest to find food fails horribly because everywhere from the food courts to fastfood restaurants are fully seated?

And the worst thing is, there would be those super-inconsiderate people who continue to occupy their freaking seats after their meals and start to engage in endless chit-chats?

Or ever wanted to catch a movie and you realise to your horror you are left with nothing but the "best" seats? The front row.

To Hell with all of them.

Does everyone agree that a Tsunami is good for Singapore now?

2008-07-25T00:39:00.005+08:00

The Magical Moment.

Upon reaching a certain age,
Upon meeting that certain person,
Upon feeling that special feeling,

The thought of giving up the world starts to appear tempting.

How much would you give for that magical day, that magical moment?

The very moment,

2 becomes 1.

Did anyone ever dreamt of walking down the aisle?
Surrounded by beautiful wedding songs and applause?
Walking into the arms of the person,
Whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with?

A touching wedding song for all to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=si3DYM2kzps

THE WEDDING

You by my side,
That's how I see us.
I close my eyes and I can see us.
We're on our way to say, "I do".
My sweetest dreams have all come true.

I see the church,
I see the steeple.
Your folks and mine,
Happy and smiling.
And I can hear sweet voices singing,

Ave Maria...

Oh my love, my love.
This can't really be.
That someday you'll walk down the aisle with me.
Let it be...
Make it be...

That I'm the one for you.
I'll be yours, all yours
Now and Forever...

I see us now,
Your hand in my hand.
This is the hour,
This is the moment.
And I can hear sweet voices singing,

Ave Maria...

2008-07-21T02:47:00.003+08:00

Letting go.

My blog, laptop and handphone are probably the only 3 things that store my memories other than my brain.

Photos, messages, msn chatlogs, contact numbers, journal entries etc.

Sometimes, memories fade.
Over time, memories blur.

But my blog, laptop and handphone don't. They keep my precious memories clear and close to my heart.

BUT I AM A PERSON WAY TOO NOSTALGIC.

I refused to press the "Delete" button even though some things are already over. Many times I tried to force my finger to press that damn button, but I keep failing.

Then I realised, that I'm really no good at letting go.

Let me go into a period of self-reflection.
Let me emerge as a person with more courage.
Let me learn, how to let go.

LETTING GO

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more .

2008-07-17T02:52:00.006+08:00

Facts about me.

1. Wisdom Teeth

About 95% of the world population have least 1 wisdom tooth in their life. The average age for the appearance of wisdom teeth is between 16-21 years old. 90% of the people with wisdom teeth suffers from "impacted" wisdom teeth (unsuccessful eruption) and need to have them extracted.

During the year when I was 10 years old, all my 4 wisdom teeth successfully erupted and needs no extraction!

2. Growth Spurt

My height was measured to be 150cm when I first stepped into sec school. At the end of sec 2, I had grown to the height of 175cm!

That totals up to 25cm for a period of 2 years!

If you apply some simple division (25cm/24months), you would realise that the speed of my height growth is around 1.04cm per month!

Much to my disappointment, I stopped growing after that. =.=

3. School Days

I was a total nerd during my sec school days and had a kuku looking side-parting hairstyle for all 4 freaking years! It was also known as the "currypok" hairstyle during the 70s.

The only thing that prevented me from becoming more nerd was that I had perfect eyesight and did not need to wear specs.

I only started using msn at the age of 15 (Sec 3). Like WTF. I had to stop msn conversations halfway and ask my friends what did they meant by "LOL" and "ROFL" etc.

4. Colour Contact Lens

Out of vanity, I tried on a pair of blue colour contact lens. It took me 1 tedious hour to put them on.

I smiled to myself in the mirror, before I realised I didn't know how to take them off.

I went "Shit!"

Then it was another 1 freaking hour before I managed to pluck those freaking lens from my eyes.

2008-07-15T03:07:00.008+08:00

Recall, Rewind, Reminiscence.....

Going back to old school seems to be the current trend nowadays. And I can't help but feel abit nostalgic for the good old times. Allow me to refresh a few of them.

Still remember F4? They first smashed into the Mandarin Pop arena with a bang somewhere around 2001. With popular drama series like "Meteor Garden" and non-stop hits like "流星雨", they were the symbol of God to many teenage girls.

But, they soon became history and were taken over by other more handsome boybands. And yes, I agree that the guys Fahrenheit are much more handsome than F4 and all other boybands.

To F4 die-hard fans: Argue and I will track your ip, trace it to your freaking address, take a cab down to your place and blast you with a 10-ton bazooka.

Next.

The Unforgettable Pokemon. From the TV series to the gameboy games, Pokemon was a sweeping success. It became the talk of the town overnight and every kid including me were glued to our television every saturday, eagerly watching the episode from Kids Central.

The gameboy games were equally successful. Remember those days when we would stare at our gameboy screens for hours every day as we struggled our way to complete the game? It was the fighting countless trainers and gym leaders. And finally, the Elite Four.

To me, and many others, Pokemon had once been a colourful memory in our primary or even secondary school life.

Then.

Another craze from Japan hit us. The Neoprint!

It was and still is the favourite hobby of secondary school students to rush town or bugis to take Neoprints. Although expensive, it is still affordable when shared with a few other friends. And this started the narcissism and vanity in young Singaporeans.

But what really MAGNIFIED the phenomenon of narcissism was this.

The invention of the first generation camera phones.

Owning a VGA camera phone some 5-6 years ago would have made you a gadget king/queen in your whole class. But now, I guess you better donate that phone to the national archives or the singapore musuem.

2008-07-09T06:40:00.003+08:00

In the fading city,

Even a bright light
Turns into a sigh.
Even a miraculous encounter,
Ends up as an illusion with a drop of tear.

Hold me tight when the light in the city glimmers.
So that I know, you are nothing less than real.

I can’t sleep, for my heart wanders in the city.
I can’t feel myself, nor recognise my own shadow.

Memories are like cold rain,
They leave scars in my heart.
I’m trying to catch something I’ve lost,
As the future in my dream disappears far away.

The city lights fade away as the morning sun rises.
A new day awaits, while hope remains a glimpse.

Though I sleep in the warmth, I feel otherwise.

I lost myself..

2008-07-09T06:11:00.004+08:00

Shagged out lately.

I need a break.

I need to think things through.

2008-07-01T04:43:00.002+08:00

Thought for the day:

A lot of people are not homophobic, but they think they are supposed to be. They think that if they don't display prejudice, people will think there's something the matter with them.

2008-06-29T06:37:00.005+08:00

I saw pictures of a small girl,
Crying, living in a lost world.
The men fight for dear God, she don't care.
Cause there's nothing left to share.

I watched TV about a sick girl.
She was only nine but she'll be gone soon.
When and where she's going, God will know.
She doesn't want the sun to go.

Somtimes I ask,
Do we really care?

Read the papers about a malnutritioned boy.
He was starving, so were the lone vultures.
Why so full of sorrow, no tomorrow?
No rainbow, will he ever know.

Read an article of the earthquake victims.
Those that lived, were weeping for the dead.
Without parents those children must continue to live.
Scarred memories and broken childhood.

Sometimes I pray,
For them to see,

The light of day.

I dedicate the above to those who are the less fortunate.

For those suffering.

From wars and violence.
From illnesses and disease.
From poverty and starvation.
From disasters and lost of loved ones.

May there one day be,

WORLD PEACE.

(International Symbol of World Peace)

2008-06-24T13:13:00.003+08:00

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won, had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

2008-06-24T02:44:00.000+08:00

They say, "People come, and people go."

I thought of all the people that came, those who stayed, and those who left.

For several months, I had been very troubled over a very close brother of mine.

Months ago, we chatted late into a particular night, arranging to meet up the next day. The next day, he was MIA for no apparent reason, and left me looking like a silly idiot. Up till today, he did not offer me any explantion for his disappearance.

Since then, we drifted further and further apart. He started to ignore my smses and calls. He even stopped contacting me altogether.

This is not the first time.

I thought we would have grown matured enough to talk things out openly, if there is any problem. But I chose to have faith in this friendship.

I chose to believe that he had his reasons.
I chose to believe he would keep his promise of brothers forever.
I chose to believe it was NS that made him behave erratically.

I took the initiative to contact him for more than 3 months. Until I lost faith.

It hurts,
To be stabbed in the same spot by the same person twice.

It hurts,
To be sentenced without a reason why.

Then it dawned on me.

If I decide to move on today, it would be you, who would have lost a true friend who will be there for when you are down. I would have nothing to lose today, for I had already lost you months back.

I'm sorry but I gotta move on and leave you behind.

2008-06-23T03:15:00.004+08:00

Welcome - Christina Aguilera

Welcome to the greatest show
Greatest show on earth
You've never seen before
Let the fairytale unfold

What's behind the smoke and glass?
Painted faces, everybody wears a mask
Are you selling them your soul?
Will you'll be left out in the cold?

Is it all blue skies?
Fun and games until you fall
Then you're left without anyone at all
You're riding on a shooting star
With a smile upon your face
But soon the shine fades

And you're left out all alone
Wondering where did they all go?

Been jaded, hated,
Who'll be around when the limelight's faded?
Been shot down, pushed out
Made to smile when I wanted to frown

Always taking a bow
Always working the crowd
Always making the rounds
Always playing the clown

Who'll be sticking it out?
Who'll be staying around?

When the lights go down....

2008-06-18T18:20:00.004+08:00

Just want to run.
Just want to hide away.
And close my eyes to your gaze.

Just want to leave.
Don't want to hear them say,
"You're no good at this."

I'm tired of Love. For it is too tough a game to play.

It's hard to love someone.
It's hard for someone to love you.
It's even harder for both to coincide.
And when they do, shit has to happen.

Perhaps I had been single for too long.
Or maybe the loneliness got the better of me.

My craving was fuelled, and I lost my logic, both emotionally and physically.

And I don't know where the problem lies.

Do I fall in love too soon and too easily?
Or is it because I do not know how to love?

For now, I really don't wanna think about Love.

I just wanna run and hide away from that feeling. I don't want to face it anytime soon.

Maybe I'm not ready.
Maybe the time's not right.

I don't want to hear them say,

"You're no good in this game called Love."

2008-06-14T21:46:00.002+08:00

For every one entry that appears on this blog, it means that I have logged in to blogger for at least 5 times.

The reasons for the excessive logins before 1 successful entry would be things, like not knowing where to start, laziness, ended up doing something else while blogging halfway, or the time I used to read through and edit the posts.

The word this post will be revolving around shall again be "CHERISH".

A recent reflection had me realise that me and many friends around me had been taking each other for granted.

We seem to think that we could hang out like this forever. But if we all take some time to think about it, we would realise things are gonna change a hell lot in months or years to come.

So I shall start the change in myself. I shall do my best to cherish everything around me.

I shall also take this opportunity to thank all those people who love and care for me. I love you guys too!!! =D

2008-06-08T18:50:00.002+08:00

A lesson humans never learn

Throughout human civilisation, we have learnt from every mistake we made. And we made sure to never repeat the same mistakes.

Thus, we become stronger and better in every field, our improvements undeniable.

But there are some lessons that we never learn.

One would be to cherish.

How many times have we lost someone or something before we realise we took it for granted?

How many times have we found ourselves in irreversible situations before we are willing to admit we went wrong?

Is it really true that taking things for granted is a part of human nature?
Does it mean just because it is nature means nothing must be done to correct it?

2008-05-13T05:49:00.003+08:00

This post is in tribute to my beloved Mother, for the unconditional and undying love she had given me all these years.

Not all mothers in this world are the same. Most are, but not all. Mine fortunately, belongs to the majority of all Mothers who gave all their life for their family and children.

From her 70’s photos I saw, she was so young, slim and beautiful. She was trendy, and stylish is definitely a word to go with her. From the stories I heard, Mum had a long queue of very eligible bachelors after her during those days. From rich bosses to army officers, my Mum certainly had no lack of suitors.

Perhaps the feeling wasn’t right, or those guys just didn’t manage to get it right. But she turned them all down. Then one day she crossed paths with Dad. She was staying in a rented room with 3 other tenants, where Dad with 3 other guys happened to install curtains in their room.

Like a typical 70’s love story, each of the guys in Dad’s team took their pick. Needless to say, Dad had her eyes set on Mum. But from Mum’s narration of the story, she detested Dad the most before he was vulgar, smokes and apparently the cheekiest among them.

Then Dad started dating Mum out. Apparently he faced many challenges from previous suitors whom refused to give up, but somehow he managed to win Mum’s heart eventually. Oh, and all the things he did to win Mum over was simply romantic and touching.

Mum was only holding on to a work permit then, which didn’t allow her to marry a Singaporean male. So she applied for a PR status, only to fail again and again. It was only 13 years after knowing Dad before she was granted a PR status. And that was how long the courtship between Dad and Mum lasted.

The moment Mum took on Dad’s surname, her whole life had changed.

A year after Mum and Dad got married, I was born. I was a horrible baby, for Mum had to endure more than 12 hours of labour pain before I came into this world. And I barely made it 2 hours before the end of national day, 1988. 2 years later, my brother came into this world.

During the 2 pregnancies, she lost her fabulous figure.

All in the name of love for her 2 children.

In order to take care of us, she gave up her job which she loved so much, to become a full-time mother.

She wakes up at dawn to visit the market, to buy the freshest ingredients so that we have the best meals.

She does to do all the housework, to make the house a pleasant home for us to live in.

No matter rain or shine, Mum never had a day off.

She gave up her freedom, so that she could dedicate her time to us.
She spent every single cent on us, so that we have nothing but the best.
She would rather wear old clothes so we could afford new ones.

(I’m literally touched to tears while writing to this part.)

When we are sick, she takes care of us.
When we are out late at night, she never stops worrying.
When we are unhappy, it breaks her heart.
When we need someone, she’s always there.

With deepest gratitude, I thank her for all of her Love and dedication. For being such a noble wife and Mum.

For all she had done and still do for us, I proclaim that she’s the best Mum one could ever have.

I Love You, Mum.

2008-05-10T05:32:00.005+08:00

A Walk Down Memory Lane

I was walking back home from delta avenue when the drizzle came in.

The journey home brought me to places that I had not stepped into for many years. Indus road happened to be where I received the first 3 years of my education. I remembered I used to resent that place in the morning when I had to go for my kindgarten classes. Especially on Mondays.

During those days, the teacher would make us line up in 2 straight lines and remain quiet before she would open the door to freedom for the rest of the day. Then we would all rush out like terrorists on the run, before running to our own parents.

After I "graduated" from K2, I guess I never really passed by there anymore. There just wasn't a need to anymore.

In my primary school years, I had many classmates residing in the delta avenue flats. Passing by those old flats made me recall those times when my father would fetch me there in his lorry to meet my classmates either for project or to play.

Again I "graduated", I stopped going there too. We sort of.. moved on with our own lives.

Then it was the secondary school days. I had a very good bro, whose mother owns a salon there. On some days I would go with him after school to his mother's shop, and we would chat the afternoon away. There were also times when my father fetched him back to that shop when he came to fetch me back from school.

I graduated for the 3rd time. As time went by, we stopped talking altogether. I have no idea whether is that shop still there, or how's he doing in his life.

Those memories that had faded with time now resonated deeply in my mind.

Along that dark and lonely canal that leads me back home, the drizzle gradually grew into a heavy downpour.

Drenched in the rain and walking a lonely road towards home, it reminded me of a song I used to like, and still do; "Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne.

I gave in to temptation, and played the song through the loudspeaker on my handphone.

At least 4 years ago, I came to know this song through one of the best friends I ever made in my entire life.

During that period, I was going through a very tough time. But I was able to find solace in that song. Sometimes emo songs don't make you feel worse, but in fact better. For it is a good feeling to know that you are not alone and someone understands you. Most importantly, somebody out there is voicing out your thoughts for you.

It's a good feeling to have your memories refreshed once in a while, no matter good or bad ones. For it was because of every single thing that happened, good or bad, that made you who you are today.

2008-05-05T03:54:00.009+08:00

Enough is Enough.

I am sick and tired of all the stupid discrimination against the males.

In my humble opinion, YES I THINK THAT GENDER DISCRIMINATION AGAINST THE MALES EXIST!!

Why is a Male’s sexuality, always under so much scrutiny?
Why can’t he do exactly as he please, without being called a million things?

Take personal grooming for example:

Ever since I kept my hair long, I’ve been hearing countless people talking about it behind my back and right in front of my face.

Family, relatives and even neighbours of the older generation have been telling me to cut it short because guys are “supposed” to keep their hair short or guys with long hair looks like girls or gays.

Another classic example would be makeup. Guess what my parents’ reaction was when they saw my foundation, concealor and eyebrow pencil on the dressing table.

They looked as if they had just seen Godzilla rising out of the sea.

This fiasco started another whole chain reaction of them thinking why am I doing things "only girls do".

Now let’s take a look at behavior:

Girls are blessed with the right to express their love for the best friends of the same gender through physical intimacy such as a good hug or even holding hands. We see this phenomenon everywhere, but it’s classified as a normality, nothing out of the blue.

But imagine 2 guy friends doing that? What are our narrow-minded Singaporeans are going to say, think and react to it? I can already hear all the “Ewww, gross..” and “Oh my god" already.

When feeling down, girls are free to flood the whole of Singapore with endless tears while guys are supposed to stand strong and pretend it doesn’t hurt. A guy who is seen crying or acting soft is often stereotyped as being sissy.

Well, to all those who stereotype and discriminate males like above, this is what I have for you.

Who the hell dictated that guys cannot keep their hair long or put on makeup?
Who the fuck decreed that guys are not allowed to cry or behave a little soft?

Why is it alright for a woman to behave less of a woman?
But a sin for a man to behave less of a man?

So I say,

FUCK YOU

To all who set the standards of being a guy.
To all who thinks that a guy should dress and behave a particular way.

I will,

Dress as I like.

I will,

Behave as I please.

Now, that is;

ATTITUDE.

Don’t tell me to behave, cause I’ll never play that game.
Don’t tell me what to do, cause I’ll never be a pet like you.
Don’t look at me that way, cause I ain’t never gonna change.
And if you’re talking about my life, you’re only wasting your own time.

2008-05-03T05:45:00.002+08:00

An incident set me wondering.

What does it mean when we say someone don't affect us anymore?

Does it refer to the courage to do and say whatever you please, without bothering how that particular person will think about you?

2008-04-06T05:24:00.003+08:00

Since my last relationship, I have stayed single for a year. Whatever wrong I have committed, I am sure I've paid it off.

During this year, so many emotional happenings took place within me.

Trying to patch back with you.

Accepting that our love is gone forever.

Trying to hate you.

Doing my best to get you out of my mind.

Trying very hard not to cry when I think of you.

Trying to move on with life.

Trying to get myself ready for a new start.

Trying to find someone worth giving my love to.

I guess a year was enough time for me to complete all of the above. Except the last line.

I came to realise there is no definite waiting time for the right person to come along. Some right ones come in the blink of an eye, while some take forever to come. Mine must be taking its own sweet time to come. =.=

Some people can't stand the loneliness while waiting, and get into flings and short-lived relationships with others. But, I choose to remain single in the waiting of the Right One.

Trust me when I say singlehood has its own side of good. Sometimes I am really glad that I chose to remain single after hearing dramatic stories about relationships from my friends. In fact singlehood is better is every way than being attached, perhaps the only disadvantage being the occasionally emptiness that needs to be filled.

2008-03-31T05:14:00.004+08:00

Confessions of Life by A Living ~ Part I

There was a time when we believed in Fairytales and Neverlands. Where we naively thought it was Santa Claus who never fails to give us what we wished for on Christmas Day. Where we foolishly expect things to happen the way they should.

Then the consequences of childish belief came. Wave after wave of disappointment struck us squarely in the face. We saw the ugly side of the world. We came across the lies, gossips and backstabbing. We discovered truths. Truths that we would have preferred to be ignorant of. We uncovered the complications behind every simple thing or action. Upbringing starts to split us apart, and we learnt to doubt each other.

Young and impulsive, we couldn't wait to grow out of our childhood. The boys yearned to become men, and the girls dreamt of becoming ladies. We demanded to be treated as adults, and we went against every single rule to do anything our age didn’t permit us to. Curiosity got the better of us, and some went to the extent of tasting the Forbidden Fruits.

Time gradually gave us our membership of adulthood. Ironically, after living our lives as adults, most of us wished we never grew up.

From what we see and hear, we thought we knew what is Love. We started to develop attractions towards another individual.

Some people called it First Love. But most of us thought that was Forever Love.

It wasn't long before that concept of Love betrayed us. One way or another, we separated from the other individual, only to find ourselves moving on, or into the arms of another individual.

Some learned how to play the game of Love to their own advantage. The ones we called Heartbreakers. Others kept repeating the same tragedy; the only difference is the other individual who replayed it with them. These are the ones we called the Heartbroken.

Whichever role we took, either the Heartbreaker or the Heartbroken, we all felt our first heartache. A feeling that all of us had long forgotten by now. But in our own perspective, we were always the Heartbroken, wondering where all the Heartbreakers go.

In order to find the perfect fit, Love becomes a game of trial and error for a number of people. They spend their Life trying to find that perfect fit, never realising one simple fact:

That Love was all along an imperfection, meant to be perfected by two.

Once, there was a heartache so painful that we thought we would die. Miraculously, most of us didn’t. We tried to move on, and continued to love, or be loved. Soon, days would pass, and the weeks would fly. Though the pain seems to subside with time, but the wound never seems to heal.

Where the wound used to hurt, a Scar appeared. But still, we continued to move on in various different ways.

Some acted as if it never happened.
Some reminisce about it on some nights, and found their tears following suit.
Some blamed everyone else to comfort themselves.
Some lied to themselves and lived in their own world of self deception.
Some turned their Love into Hatred for strength.

Along the way, we were so busy trying to move on we forgot that…

Once, we loved with all our Heart and Soul…

~ End of Part I ~

2008-03-25T02:18:00.003+08:00

The Genting and KL trip refreshed me greatly, thanks to so many amazing things that happened there. Some events were really beyond my wildest imagination. Let's just say it wouldn't have happened if there hadn't been a miracle.

I had a great deal of shopping sprees, and not to mention the memorable and meaningful things we did. In a way, I was very much brought back to life.

I'm very satisfied by the way I'm spending my every single day now. Time is spent on meaningful things like meeting up with old friends and reminiscing the old times. Things are much more simpler now, without lies and facades.

Good news had been pouring in one by one. Now who said good things don't come in pairs?

I reckon everything's fine now. My previous relationship no longer hurts me in the least bit, and I'm freed from a clique full of lies and backstabbing. Eric, Julyen and I are back together, and I'm spending much more time with so many of my friends.

Perhaps the next thing on the list would be Love? I'm not like desperate or anything, but everyone needs a little love every now and then. I guess it's time for me to start craving for it again?

2008-03-18T10:34:00.004+08:00

An inspiration from eRiC made me post this entry.

Fag-hag, take a GOOD LOOK at the photo below before reading this entry.

Well, it happened that Julyen and I met up. We got hungry, and went to Marina Square to find eRiC and have our dinner.

Oh, and you can never imagine the amount of bitching that went on. It revolves mainly around a fag-hag we commonly know. It's sad to see that her evil plans backfiring on her. The good terms me, Julyen, and eRiC are having is the best evidence.

Nice try, FAG-HAG!

2008-03-04T05:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I don't stop trying,

Because I believe it's not the end.

Sometimes I refuse to give up,

Because I believe there is still hope.

If I ever get too irritating,

It's because I care.

If I ever get too noisy,

It's because I need to be heard.

2008-02-28T02:47:00.002+08:00

I have a whole list of things I wanna accomplish before my enlistment. Was totally enthusiastic about it during my attachments as I continuously vow to get going with them.

Then all the shit happened. Oh well, now that things are more or less back on track, it's time to get moving on.

Call me crazy, but I'm so gonna record my own album of favourite songs. Yes, I know how to go about doing it, and I AM going to do it. Ok, perhaps the only deterrance would be the price. Recording a well-prepared song at a studio would cost around 200 bucks. OUCH!

Then, I'm gonna create another blogskin to suit this "Fighter" theme. So far, I've already got some ideas. I just need a little bit more time on the costumes and makeover. Hmm....

In addition, I'm gonna turn into some photo-taking maniac and start snapping! Hopefully I'll have about 1000 photos before I say bye-bye to my hair. Or 10,000 photos before I say bye-bye to my youth. Sigh.

And not forgetting all the places I wanted to go! The zoo, my home in m'sia, Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, Europe and USA!! Alright I know it's not possible to go round the world before enlisting, but I'm targeting for at least ONE overseas trip, not including my home in m'sia.

Time for a good rest, and then a good start. =D

2008-02-27T04:30:00.002+08:00

Tough times may not be over yet, but at least I'm not feeling so miserable now.

I'll always bear in mind what Christina said. If we can just overcome all the difficult moments and difficult times in our lives, we would become such better people and so much stronger.

In fact, I would not be the person I am today, if it wasn't for all the difficult moments and all the difficult times that I've survived through. What was seemingly negative then, turned out to be such a positive for me.

So I wanna thank all those people who tried to make my life so difficult. Because in the end, they are nothing more than just steps of a staircase in my climbing to become a stronger and better t.O.n.Y.

2008-02-25T04:30:00.004+08:00

Again, I grew that much STRONGER.

Whenever we recover from an illness, our body automatically becomes stronger. The same virus does not make us fall sick anymore. That is our amazing immune system. We become invulnerable to the virus we overcome.

In life, we should adopt the same ideology. Yes, it's alright to get upset over unhappy happenings and set-backs. But the important thing is that we must become recover from it and become a stronger person. And in future, we will not be affected by the same problems again!

I was emotionally down for a several weeks now since before CNY.

When I needed companionship, some disappeared, and some showed up.

And that's the good thing about being in need. Because that's when you can really see who cares and who doesn't, who's true and who's not. In life, we gain some and we lose some. To gain a valuable lesson on people's true colours and lose some fake friends isn't such a bad trade after all.

If you weren't there for me, it's alright because I'll be there for you.
So that I can SMASH you when you're down.

Thanks to Ah Girl, Yiwen, Dickson and so many others for hearing me rant and for the words of encouragement and advice.

And thanks to Christina Aguilera, for her motivating words and voice that helped me got by everyday.

2008-02-23T18:11:00.002+08:00

Some things I keep quiet,
But I feel it.

Some things I keep silent,
But I know what's going on.

Sometimes I don't speak a word,
But I know how it's going to end.

2008-02-23T04:19:00.006+08:00

This year's CNY didn't feel so festive to me.

I ended the year with a bad patch after breaking away from my clique and failing my napfa test.

Of course, everything didn't just happen overnight. There had been too many lies, backstabbing and mistrust. All the drifting apart, plasticity and evil schemes.

It didn't take long for me to see the true colours of the fag-hag. All her lies, plasticity, fag-hag actions and acting. I believe in retribution, and one day her turn will come. What comes around goes around. I have nothing more to say.

But the most disappointing fact was the backstabbing and betrayal of my sister. To think I trusted her implicitly. Yet she betrayed my trust and stabbed me deeply from behind.

They are no longer part of my life.

I reflected upon myself, and realised what my elders said were right. True friends are indeed harder to find, than I had naively thought. It takes more than just frequent hanging out, KL trips, and going through some good and bad times to build true friendships. Also, being loyal and true to people also don't guarantee true friends.

These are all the lessons that I must learn from the group whom I had spent so much time with during the past 1 and a half years.

Then, a devastating shock hit my family on the 3rd day of the lunar new year. A fatal car accident killed my 6th uncle-in-law, and landed 2 aunts of mine into the hospital. My granny had stitches on her forehead, and several cousins suffered bruises and superficial injuries.

My 6th aunt became a widow overnight, and is left to take care of the family including 2 children on her own. The whole family grieved over the loss. Most of them rarely spoke at all, but cried throughout the entire funeral. I'll never forget the sorrow we all felt during the funeral. It felt so helpless, so small, and so powerless.

One thing I'm sure is that no one in my family, will ever forget this tragic incident. For it scarred a pain too deep in everyone's heart.

All the happenings affected my health drastically. I'm not feeling so well nowadays. To make things worse, my dormant asthma condition started working up again. Many times I was so out of breath I almost died of suffocation.

Trust me, I'll grow stronger from it all, I swear.

2008-02-05T03:25:00.000+08:00

The World is so complicated.

From the macro-sized global issues to micro-sized inter-personal relationships, everything seems to be more than what they seem to be on the surface.

I hate myself, for not possessing enough inner strength to simplify the complicating things around me. And they just wrecked havoc in my life, wasting my precious time and adding unnecessary stress into my life.

Maybe it's just me and no one else.

Sometimes I really envy, from the bottom of my heart, how simple some people's lives are. The worst thing that can happen to them is simply a scolding from their boss, or nasty attitude from others.

No one really knows how screwed my life is. Quarrels with parents could get so serious until we threaten to disown each other. Closest friends are the ones that keeps hurting me. Hypocrites and backstabbers constantly circle around my life. Lies hover everywhere.

I know a strong sense of justice is good, but why do I have to be the one to have it? I just can't control the urge to stand up for what's right. Even when it doesn't concern or affect me. And it always lands me into deep shit.

What's worse is my stupid poor health. My flat foot causes excruciating pain everytime I stand or walk too long. My memory can't seem to store anything nowadays, and I don't even remember things that I've said before. Concentrating or focusing is a difficult task. I feel like sleeping even though I just woke up.

Maybe I can't hold on much longer.

But as long as I live, I'll do my best.

2008-02-02T15:46:00.000+08:00

Sisters no more.

Nelly Furtado is probably right about one thing. All good things DO come to an end. No matter how much effort you put in, everything has an expiry date.

Therefore, I say

I GIVE UP.

Instead of spending all my time and effort trying to salvage things, I've decided to use my time and effort trying to let go and move on.

Of course, either way is not going to be easy for me. But, I decided to move on because I am really sick and tired of everything.

Then I realised, no one gave a damn about me too. That became my greatest source of strength. Why should I bother? Why should I care?

Then days would fly and soon weeks would pass. And one day I will wake up and realise that I am not affected anymore.

2008-01-31T02:00:00.000+08:00

When you think that you can't live without somebody,

Take a step back, and take a deep breath.

Look at your surroundings, at others who truly cares about you.

Tell yourself you've done no wrong, believe in yourself you've done your best.

Spend more time on those who are worth it, and less time emo-ing about things

And then you'll slowly see, you can live without it after all...

2008-01-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

This time,

It's really over.

~ Growing up means accepting painful truths.

2008-01-27T05:22:00.000+08:00

And you're left out all alone
Wondering where did they all go?

Been jaded, hated..
Who'll be around when the limelight's faded?
Been shut down, pushed out
Made to smile when I wanted to frown

Always taking a bow
Always working the crowd
Always making the rounds
Always playing the clown

Who'll be sticking it out?
Who'll be staying around?
When the lights go down?

With all due respect for Christina Aguilera, the above song lyrics were extracted from her song "Welcome". Just had the feeling to share with them.

I know life is not really in its UPS recently. Everything just go haywire and nothing seem to be going right.

When,

Your lover stopped loving you,
And your close friends stopped feeling close.

When your listener stopped listening,
And your lips stopped sharing.

When your frown starts showing,
And your smile stopped showing.

When your life stopped moving.
And your heart stopped beating.

That's how I feel inside.

BUT NO.
I ain't gonna break down and admit defeat this time.

Not anymore.

2008-01-20T17:04:00.000+08:00

Sometimes looking at my own blog makes me emo too.

Many things happened recently.

But I'm grown up now.

I must be strong.
I must be independent.

Though it's still my favourite song, I think I should stop listening to "Hurt" for a while and start tuning in to "Fighter".

This is not the time to be weak.
This is not the time to break down.

I won't be defeated.
I won't let anyone have the chance to triumph over me and gloat about it.

All I need to know is that I'm doing something good, and I'm doing something right. The rest don't really matter to me anymore.

I'm done with liars.
I'm done with backstabbers.
I'm done with gossippers.
I'm done with bitches.

I'm STRONGER than before, and I'll be STRONGER than ever.

No more weakness.

No more emo.

2008-01-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

Where is my soulmate?

2008-01-11T02:27:00.000+08:00

多少爱错过了才看清楚?

多少事无法弥补才认输 ?

多少次以为找到了幸福,

却发现一开始, 就是个错误?

I heard this song from the 9pm Channel 8 drama. Thought the above few lines sounded meaningful and reminds us that regret we all have.

2008-01-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

I'm so occupied,

I don't have time for any thoughts..

It stills hurts when I'm reminded.

Sometimes, I wish I could have a good long cry and get it over and done with. But going to work the next day with puffy red eyes is such a drag. So my tears flowed inside, waiting for the final release.

I believe in miracles,
Because I know there are misfortunes.

2007-12-23T03:47:00.000+08:00

Littlest Things

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing
And I remember when you started calling me your Mrs
All the play fighting, all the flirtatious disses

I'll tell you sad stories, about my childhood
I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'll spend the whole weekend lying in our dirt
I was just so happy
In your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, dreams of when we had started things
Dreams, of me and you
It seems, it seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it's so true
I know it's not right but it seems unfair
That things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if it's only for one weekend
So come on, and tell me
Is this the end

Drinking tea in bed, and watching DVDs
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazine
You'd take me out shopping
And all we buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us

The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell that I was nervous so you held my hand
When I was feeling down
You made that face you do
There's no one in the world
Who could replace you

Dreams, dreams of when we had started things
Dreams, of me and you
It seems, it seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it's so true
I know it's not right but it seems unfair
That things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if it's only for one weekend
So come on, and tell me
Is this the end